Parental Customer Service

Let’s talk parents.

This is a very tricky subject to talk about, and it might upset a few people. I don’t mean to upset you, but this is a common factor for teachers. There's usually one parent that we cannot win over.

Have you ever had the type A parent? You know the ones I’m talking about… The parents that say, it’s never their child’s fault when you have to contact them, and they don’t understand how their child isn’t doing very well (even though nothing has been turned in).. you know the parents I’m talking about. We’ve all had at least one…. Or 12 in a school year.

I have been blessed with some amazing parents, parents that I still keep in contact with after I moved states. But everyone has those tough parents at least once.

The parents that kind of seem like they are out to get you, then march up to the school when they are upset about a message or a grade or an email.. I’m telling you, we've all had these type of parents before. They send messages at an inappropriate time at night, it’s always over something extremely small, and it’s always your fault.

This is not a hate message towards parents, but it's something that needs to be talked about.

I have absolutely loved the parents that I have came into contact with through teaching. But we’ve all seen a type A parent, and there are certain ways to respond to them. Because teachers, you are an educator and it’s our duty to respond to people and parents like this, so they know how to appropriately talk to you.

Parents do not have the ability to say what they want to you, they do not have the ability to make allegations without having support to back it up, you are an adult and not a customer service representative.

So what do you do about them?

Let’s talk about three big changes that you can make when you have these types of parents.

1. Admin

I’ve had some amazing admin put into my path during my educational career. The first thing I do when I have had an upset parent contact me inappropriately, I have called my admin. I’ve had messages sent to me between the hours of 10 and 12 at night that are borderline inappropriate, immediately when I look at them, I call my admin.

Above my pay grade

There are many things above my pay grade, and that is one of them. Dealing with an upset Parent is one thing, dealing with a parent that is demeaning and rude, and slightly out to get you to prove a point is above my pay grade. My job is to teach children, my job is not to appease a parent that is not acting in an appropriate way. If I don’t feel safe contacting them, it’s above my pay grade. I’ve had amazing experience with this, my admin, the few times that this has happened, have always had my back. They always handle the situation with me in mind. I cannot stress this to you enough, I have heard it 1000 times, it’s happened to my friends and coworkers and family members who are in the educational field, where parents feel like they can talk to you however they want. The first thing that I would do in the situation is to call your admin if you do not feel comfortable enough handling the situation yourself.

2. Turn off notifications

The second big thing that I would do, especially after hours, and on the weekends is turn off your notifications to anything school related. This is one I had to learn the hard way. When I first started teaching, I thought I had to be up and ready to respond at any time of the night to a parent.

I thought that that was part of my job. To be the best teacher, I need to be on duty at all times. Boy was I wrong.

When parents realized that I would respond to them when I was not at work, it became chaos. I did not set those boundaries in my first few years of teaching with my parents, and it really hurt me in the long run.

Prior Experience

I had a parent message me and message me and message me about different grades and different opportunities to allow their student to make up work that they were missing between the hours of eight and midnight. I got so frustrated one night at a message this parent had sent me that immediately went to respond because I wanted that parent to feel what they had made me feel. Which was belittlement. My husband saw me so angry, and so upset, which is not me at all, start to reply. He immediately took my phone and set me down and asked me how my response was going to help.

I was so confused during the time, but I kept reiterating to him that I was mad and I wanted to reply. All he kept saying to me was your response is not going to help anyone and you are going to feel worse about the situation later because you stooped to their level. So I took my phone, shut my phone off and I went to bed. I woke up feeling so much better because I did not give that parent what they wanted. And what they wanted was a response to start an argument that was unnecessary.

I feel like a lot of seasoned teachers do not take work home with them, and this is part of work. Responding to emails and messages from parents and anything to do with work, when you walk out of those doors work should be over.

After work is the time for your family and time for yourself so you can go back the next day 100%. If you responded to every message and email, you would feel overworked, and you would not be able to give your all to those students the next day.

3. Ask for help

I used to respond to messages and emails from parents alone. I don’t do that anymore. Getting a second set of eyes, especially from your admin, or from a coworker, or someone in your school, who is naturally calm to respond and has nothing to do with your situation, will give you insight to how to answer it in a way that you might not have been able to see before.

I go to my team, my admin, and my instructional coach when I need help responding to a certain type of parent like this. If you don’t do this, and you’re finding yourself feeling frustrated, and not being able to put your thoughts into words, I definitely would try it out, at least once. These types of people will help you navigate the situation in a way that you probably hadn’t seen. You’re getting multiple views on a situation, which means you’re getting more than one answer or way to respond.

4. Breathe

I know, I said I was only gonna talk about three ways to respond to a parent but here’s a fourth.

Breathe teachers. When you seem overwhelmed and frustrated over a parent, breathe. When you feel like you can do nothing right with a parent, breathe. This is not an easy one to learn, and it takes constant practice, but breathe and let it go. It's only one part of your day, don't let them dull your shine.

Parents.

We love you, and we couldn’t do our job without your support.

This is not a message to all or even most parents. To the parents that are always there for you and encourage you and support their children's teachers, thank you always.

xoxo,

Spilling the Tea